Chance encounters of the Grocery Store kind. The power of kindness.

Sometimes grocery store shopping can be irritating, almost a torture.  

But sometimes it can be quite the opposite.

I was at Dillons the other day and  found myself next to a young female customer in the produce department.  As I reached up to select a container of fresh pico de gallo she asked me my opinion of the pico.  We had a really nice conversation and she was so friendly.  We visited for quite a while.   She once operated a restaurant.  And she actually enjoys chopping up jalapenos and onions by hand!   At the end of the conversation she gave me a warm smile and said, "I hope you have a very blessed day."  I reciprocated with "I hope you do, too."

Had we ever met before?  No.  

Were we in the same age group?  No.  She was young.  I am....not.

Was she trying to sell me something?  No.  

Was this the first time I've had a pleasant conversation with a stranger in a public place?  Certainly not, but it's not an everyday thing for sure.

Grocery shopping isn't my favorite experience, and usually I try to get in, buy my stuff, get out.  I must admit, I've succumbed to complacency and avoidance when it comes to being outgoing and friendly at times.  Fear of unfriendly reactions.  Or blatant rudeness.  Honestly, you can walk away from some encounters feeling pretty low about yourself and everyone around you.  

But on that particular day I walked from the produce section with a smile on my face and something more.  I can't put my finger on how to describe the "something more", but it was a very good feeling.   

This young woman fed my soul.  She made me feel worthy of her time.  She reached out to me. She valued talking to me.  She even valued listening to me. (That's kind of a rare thing as you get older)   

Maybe you've noticed:  The world in general has become offish, unfriendly, harsh, dismissive. Borderline hateful.   Sometimes even crosses the border right into mean and ugly.

 Check your social media outlets.  Mean and ugly is significantly more prevalent than simple kindness.  And it spreads like wildfire.  Like a killing virus.  Destroying every person in its path.  Yes, it destroys.  I'm not over-reacting.  Meanness destroys relationships, community, the tender hearts and spirits of children....and adults.  

It's an epidemic.  Needs to be stopped, in my humble opinion.  

Kindness generates kindness.  As I left the produce department that day, my heart was light and I found myself looking for ways to reach out with similar friendliness to others in the store.  Kindness begins with friendliness.

When the effects of kindness are so positively powerful, why are we so reluctant to be reach out with friendliness?  What are we afraid of? 

It's such a simple act.  Be nice.  See what happens.  Your kindness might just spread like wildfire.  Your kindness might just change the world. 

Or  it might change the world for just one person.  You!

P.S.  please check out the caption to the picture below....kindness can be found in amazing places.

New York City, in front of the Metropolitan Art Museum.  We actually found kindness in large quantities in this city last year when our little niece was a cancer patient at a hospital there.  

One last I love you...

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." That's  one  line from an old song written in 1970.   And like a lot of songs, it's the only line I remember.  

This one line brings one person in particular to my mind.  My mother.  

My mom lived and breathed for her children.  There just was not anything she wouldn't do for her four daughters.  I was her baby, born when she was 40. Born when her other daughters were teenagers.  And I was the living definition of what it means to take a parent for granted. The word "spoiled" comes to mind.  Although I prefer the words "deeply loved."  Because that's how it came across to me.  

She didn't have  money, so it wasn't a matter of spoiling me with frills and unnecessary purchases.  No, she gave herself.  She was there.  I expected nothing less from her.  

One time I spilled hot water on my hand while mixing up formula for my youngest baby girl.  Nothing life threatening, but of course it didn't feel the best.   Mom  worked downtown Minneapolis (Ks) in an auto parts store.  When she found out what happened, she left work and came to the house to check on me. She discovered that I didn't have any topical treatments for burns and neither did she.  So she got in her car and drove 36 miles round trip to her sister's house in Tescott.  Her sister Gladys had a greenhouse and several aloe vera plants.  I'm not sure how fast she drove but in a flash she was back at my house with some aloe vera to put on my hand. (and a plant of her own from Gladys) Ordinary burn ointment that she could have purchased downtown wasn't good enough for her Bunny.  And, side note, the aloe vera did indeed ease the pain and speed up the healing process.  

Mom was a loyal and well loved employee, but if one of her girls needed something she was out the door. She would drop everything to help us. Without complaining. When I returned to work after my youngest was born, Mom went ahead and retired so she could babysit for me.   Without pay.

I came to just expect this sort of care from my Mom.  I just expected it.  No big deal, Mom was Mom.   I just counted on her.  She would be there for me.  No matter what.

Until she wasn't.  

When I was 37 and my two girls were teenagers Mom suffered a broken hip.  Her underlying heart issues, though well-maintained up to that point, complicated the treatment plan. As a result surgery was delayed for several days.  One of those days I walked into her hospital room and bent over the bed to greet her.  She looked at me with vacant eyes and it was clear she did not know me.  Even when I called her "Mom".  She asked me my name.  That hurt.  I said, "Don't you recognize me, I'm Bunny, your baby".  But she didn't.  That really hurt.    

I eventually left her room, accompanied by my husband, and as we entered the elevator I looked at him and said "I'm going to cry, I can't keep from crying."  And the flood of tears began. The entire trip home and for 8 or so hours after I couldn't stop crying. While I was crying it was as if the past 37 years were replaying in my mind.  On constant replay.  All the times I'd been abrupt with her, all the times I had been impatient with her, all the times I'd just expected her to be there for me.  And I felt like one pathetic ungrateful daughter.  It was justifiable emotion.  I deserved to hurt so badly.  

Through the tears I wrote her a letter.  To apologize.  To express my love.  To let her know how valued she was and that I finally understood her value.  Hoping as I wrote that she would be able to actually understand my apology and know how much I loved her.  Hoping she would be able to actually read the letter I was writing to her.

 Happily, the next time I went to the hospital she was back to her self mentally and she did recognize me.  She had the hip repair surgery, returned to her home and over the next 3 months recovered orthopedically.  However, her heart was permanently affected and 4 months after her surgery she passed away.  Part of my heart went with her. A big part of my heart.

She was my last living parent and I felt like an orphan.  A 37 year old orphan.  

I'm so grateful that God gave me the opportunity to write her that letter and apologize before it was too late.  I gave it to her to read a few days after she returned home from the hospital.  As she  read the letter, in true Mom fashion, she didn't see that I had any cause to apologize.  And she apologized for not being able to recognize me that one day when she was in the hospital.  She said, "Oh Bunny that must have hurt you so badly."  And then, we both said "I love you" to each other. It's a moment I will treasure in my heart forever.  

That was 1993.  

My broken heart has healed, but one thing above all others still bothers me immensely.  I listen to the words of those around me.   Moms are easy targets. For some reason, most people just feel entitled to bash their moms.  And I'd  love to just even be able to hug mine again.  Do you find yourself annoyed with your mom?  Critical of things she says or does?  Speaking hateful words to her?  Speaking mean things about her?  Please stop. Please.  

" Love them while you can.  Time just seems to hurry by and the days slip into years, and the moments that we have will disappear. So love them while you can."    (from another 1970's  song) 

Who? What? I thought I knew. And a bonus recipe for you.

A couple weeks ago I was on a walk and ran into someone I hadn't seen for some time.  I waved and loudly called out "Well hello there how are you?  Haven't seen you in years."  As the distance between us lessened I was faced with the unfortunate reality that not only had I not seen her in years, I'd actually never seen this person.  Ever.  Did not know her.  She just kind of looked at me and kind of awkwardly said "Hi.  Fine." Looked a little frightened as she walked on by.  And I just kind of awkwardly moseyed out of her range of vision.  Man, I really don't enjoy those moments of mistaken identity.  

Of course I've also had the reverse situation where someone calls out to me and upon looking closely at my face they retract their "Hello" with something like, "never mind, you're not who I thought you were."  Accompanied by a frown.  You've probably been in similar situations.  No big deal really, just kind of awkward.  I would advise that you don't ask the person "Who did you think I was?"  The answer can be a blow to your psyche.  In my case they've almost always mistaken me for someone considerably older than me.  Could it just once be someone young and gorgeous?  Never mind.  I'll abandon that dream.

Then there are times when you might find yourself in a restaurant with an exotic type menu where you cannot determine the exact identity of what you are about to consume.  Mistaken identity of this nature can be pretty distressing, too.  In our younger years my beloved husband and I ordered "sweet breads", thinking we would be indulging in a delightful pastry-ish dessert.  Oh my.  Do you know what sweet breads are? Unfortunately we did not.  We took a bite though.  Just one.  Was not sweet, nor was it a pastry of any sort. According to Wikipedia, it's either the thymus gland or pancreas from beef, lamb, or sometimes pork.  Be warned.  Learn from our ignorance. Protect your digestive tract.  Just say no to sweet breads.  

A few years ago we went to a Christmas party at our friends Lori, Tom & Bobbi Jo's.  They really know how to prepare a banquet of delectable food.  And none of it was unidentifiable or exotic, well the pumpkin soup bordered on exotic (and quite delicious).  Anyway, I of course took some of everything.  I piled a large amount of what I thought was a  salad on my plate.  And I later learned it was a dip for chips or crackers.  

No big deal really, I could have eaten two bowls of it and called it salad and been quite happy.  It.  Was.  Fabulous.  Just say yes to anything served at the home of these three folks.  No need to confirm the identity of what you're about to consume at their parties.  

I asked Bobbi Jo for the recipe and she gave me a list of the ingredients and advised to just add or subtract whatever you want.  As you like.  Very delicious. Especially with those "scoop" tortilla chips.  You know, like tiny little salad bowls. To fill up with tiny little salads.  I'm giving you my version of her recipe, as I like it.

 Cucumber Pico/Salsa

   5 medium cucumbers, or 2 of those big seedless cucumbers, peeled & diced 

   1 can original Rotel undrained (or 2 cans if you like)

   1/4 cup vinegar, any kind.  I've used apple cider vinegar or rice vinegar

   1 pkg of dry ranch dressing mix (or 2 packages if you like)

   1 large (pint-size) container of fresh pico de gallo (like from the produce section at Dillons often on the very top shelf out of eyesight)  Or, you can chop up onion, tomatoes, jalapenos and cilantro in the same quantity.  I am lazy.  I buy the pico.  It works well.

   Garlic salt to taste

   Lemon pepper to taste.

Put the cucumbers, Rotel, pico de gallo (or chopped veggies) in a large bowl.  Sprinkle the dry ranch over and add the vinegar.  Stir it all up well then add garlic salt and lemon pepper to taste.  

Simple and delicious.  Nice alternative to traditional tomato salsa.  As a dip.  Or be like me and just go crazy and eat a whole bowl of the stuff.  Mmmmm good. Here's a pic.  (I drained off some of the liquid for this pic).  It's really wonderful with crackers or chips.  Amazing how something as mild tasting as cucumbers can enhance a recipe. And they smell so good when you're dicing them!  

Mmmmm  good.