The fluff of stuff. And the power of a photograph.

A few months ago I was in my mom-in-law's house with her.  My eye caught sight of a vase I'd not seen before and I said, "Wow, that is gorgeous. I love it!".  To which she immediately and without hesitation emphatically said, "Take it. It's yours. I do not need all this stuff."  And she waved her hands around the room. 

So, I took it home.     

It looks really lovely on the glass shelf where I display it.  Of course I rarely see it, and no one else does either really.  

The hubby and I are on the very cusp of retirement, a new journey.  It's exciting to dream and plan for what we are going to do.  One of the first things we talk about is cleaning out closets, getting rid of all the excess.  In case we move to a smaller house.  And so our kids have less stuff to deal with later on.

So, hmmm.  Anyone want a lovely vase?  

Last weekend we drove over to Yoder, Kansas to an Amish furniture store.  I tell you the truth, when we walked in the door I was swept away in awe, and a little breathless.  All of the handmade tables and chairs, handmade quilts, handmade bedroom sets were just stunning to me. I was drooling and my credit card was burning a hole in my wallet.  The quality of everything in that store was just amazing.  And the price tags reflected the quality of workmanship.

I looked at all the incredibly beautiful dining room tables and had visions of large family gatherings with everyone sitting around the same table.  Eating together, sharing life together, loving each other around a meal.  

But we were there for one specific small item, spent around 30 bucks, and walked out the door to our car to go back home.  

As we drove away we talked about how beautiful everything was in that store and how nice it would be to buy a few furnishings.  But of course, in the next breath we were talking downsizing, shedding stuff, simplifying.  And the truth of the matter is, any of the amazing pieces of furniture, even with the handmade value and high price, is still just.....stuff.  That would eventually be one more thing for our kids to deal with.  Estate sale, etc.  

We recently helped some friends prepare their elderly father's home for an estate sale.  It's a lovely home where they spent 65+ years of married life together.  And every inch of that home was filled with treasured items they had collected over all those years. Many many many items.  I kid you not.  

Our friends were closing out a lifetime of stuff.  Their mom is in heaven, Dad is living in assisted living nearby.  After we finished moving all the stuff, the daughter said, "You have to see this, come look at this!"  I expected her to lead me to an elaborate, valuable, stunning treasure.  Her excitement was tangible over this one item.  

And she led me to a huge poster board photograph of her parents on their wedding day.   I've known her parents for such a long time,  and the picture brought tears to my eyes.  Their youth, their love, their excitement for the years ahead is all over the two faces in that picture.  Just a simple piece of poster board, a picture that tells the story of 65+ years of life together and the love that carried them through.   

Neither my parents nor my husband's parents had big weddings.  Just exchanged vows in small private ceremonies.  In fact, my folks flipped a coin to decide whether to get married on that particular day or not.   The dime rolled under a nearby piano.  And apparently once retrieved, the coin flip indicated "marriage".  Romantic, huh?  Mom wore a brown skirt and blazer, Dad probably had on overalls,  and they found a judge to marry them.  And she kept the dime forever in her box of keepsakes.   

Wedding photos?  Nothing for my folks.   There is a precious snapshot of my in-laws the day they got married.  Outdoors on Christmas Eve in front of her folks' house.  They both were bundled in warm coats and my mother-in-law was wearing a kitchen towel for a scarf because that's all they could find at the time to keep her ears warm.  She doesn't like that picture, but I think it's absolutely precious.  Gorgeous happy faces showing obvious excitement for their life together.  Just beautiful.  

No wedding pictures, but I want you to see the four of them.  Here they are, so very young. My folks on the left, DeWayne's on the right.  And a clock.  Time, precious time.  Fleeting time.

Harsh reality tells us that retirement is the final chapter.  And I've lived long enough, lost enough loved ones to know that all the stuff in the world doesn't take the place of breathing the same air in the same room with those you love.  Being able to touch them, hug them, hear them speak.  

Treasures?  I have a few little items from my folks, things Daddy made, his hat, a few things from Mom's kitchen.  Oh my goodness, none of it makes up for the pain of losing them, or the desire to be with them.  The only real treasure to me is the love that remains, the love that was passed on from these four parents, to their children, to their grandchildren.... Love remains. 

Stuff is fluff.  Love is the real treasure.  

The hubby and I  will undoubtedly toss a few things out over the next several months.  We might even have a garage sale ***honestly, no way that's happening***.  But we're going to hang on to the love that has carried us through almost 45 years of life together.  And I'm praying that God blesses us with many more years.  

Our children's inheritance?  When we're gone....our love remains.  In them.  To pass on to their children.  What a treasure! Priceless if you ask me.  

    

The worst everything.

Thanksgiving.  Time to make the list.  The "what I'm thankful for" list.  

You know the drill.  Most lists have the same items on them year after year no matter who is writing the list.  "My family.  My friends.  Food.  Shelter..."

Gratitude is a good habit to practice.  One time several years ago I sat down and quickly wrote 100 things I was thankful for.  All the wonderful good things in my life I could think of.  It was good medicine for my attitude and kept me happy for, oh, maybe 10-20 hours.  

Really, giving thanks is not all that difficult.  It's a breeze to give thanks about the wonderful.  About the good.  

There are two words in scripture that are mentioned in the same breath as being thankful.  Always.  And everything.  When you're talking about "always" and "wonderful good", it's still a breeze to be thankful.  I'm generally always thankful about the good stuff.  Aren't you?

But then there's the word "everything."  

Really?  Everything?  Even...the worst everything?  

We all have our own worst everything.  That one thing that can easily trip us up and leave us wrecked.  Leave us thinking thoughts that don't come close to anything that resembles gratitude.  Shatter our heart to pieces.  

Of all the everythings I have experienced in my life, my personal long term "worst everything" involved the disability of my oldest sister.  Her limited intellectual ability, her emotional/psychological issues.  The challenges it brought to our family dynamics are not easy to grasp unless you've been in our shoes.  No details here, but there were some exceedingly difficult times.  The word "retarded" rings in my ears and stings me even now. Changing the word to something prettier and more palatable doesn't change the reality.  

I can't lie, having a sibling with such a disability, having a "retarded" sister.... I didn't handle it well.  At all.  Anger, shame, guilt, bitterness, embarrassment.  Dangerously close to hate.  It was an everything that would never change.  

I'd like to say that one day when I was very young I suddenly overcame all my struggles dealing with my sister.  But again, I can't lie.  It took me many many....decades....to come to the realization that she is a gift from God, created perfectly and exactly as He intended.  He gently led my heart to a place where I can see her more from His perspective.  He opened my eyes to the good, the wonderful, in her.  And there is so much!!  

Here is the very best "good" about her:    No matter how frustrated I could get with her, no matter how mean I might sometimes speak to her, no matter how seldom I call her or visit her...  she loves me.   She will always be happy to hear my voice on the phone, she will always be ecstatic to see me in person, she will always be delighted to go anywhere I might take her.  She will always understand when I apologize for times when I'm unable to be there for her.  She will always end every conversation with "I love you."   She is so much more than her disability.  

She was most definitely not my worst everything.  My heart, my attitude toward her was my worst everything.  

The scripture 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says "In everything give thanks".  I can give thanks and gratitude to God in everything because He has been with me in my worst everything.  He was patient with me in times when I did not deserve patience.  He did not abandon me or give up on me.  It's very humbling to me to realize that He saw the anger, shame, guilt, bitterness in my ugly heart and looked beyond my sin with understanding, grace, and love.  

He looked in my heart and said, "Let me live in there, make room for Me.  I can fix this."  I couldn't.  He could.  I'm on my knees in deep, amazed gratitude.  How can it be?  

Can I encourage you this Thanksgiving season to look at your worst everything differently?  I am certain that if you look closely enough you'll find that God has been with you.  And He won't leave you.  The presence of God in your worst everything is most definitely cause to be thankful.  And your thankful praise will bring you new hope.  He will change your heart.  Let Him in.

In everything, He is with you.  And in everything.... give thanks.  

Bunny and Sharon

Oh that I would have learned to love her sooner.  Oh that I could have loved her like she loves me.

And...thank you God for not giving up on me.