I just have to wonder about that day.

Consider this scenario for me please:  A woman in her late thirties finds herself with an unplanned pregnancy.   The details surrounding her situation are sketchy. She does not choose to keep this baby for reasons that are only hers to know. And not ours to judge.  The known facts are that is she is in this country illegally, has no money, no health insurance, an unplanned womb occupant, and has had no prenatal care. Not an easy situation for anyone to be in.

At twenty-four to twenty-five weeks gestation the baby is delivered by emergency c-section.  The third trimester begins in week 28.  This baby.... aborted fetus.... you get the picture.  Eyes fused shut, skin so delicate that he can't be touched by human hands without harming him, APGAR score is 2 (TWO) and by 5 minutes is all the way up to 4 (FOUR).   If you are a little vague on the meaning of APGAR scores, google it.  This baby was in deep deep trouble.  Weight was 1 pound and 10 ounces and he was about a foot long. 

Imagine you are in that surgical suite looking at this fragile tiny piece of humanity who for all practical purposes is about to leave this world without immediate medical intervention and even then.....??  There is no insurance, there is no money to pay for heroic medical intervention or even a baby aspirin.  

But decisions were made and this baby was quickly transported 150 miles by medical helicopter to a NICU.    Whisked away from a womb that couldn't keep him, struggling to survive, needing a miracle in the worst way..... even though he had no one with him at the time who called him their own.  No one.  Alone.  I have to wonder if the doctors and emergency personnel on board that helicopter had at least a fleeting thought that this trip was not going to end well, if the phrase "waste of time" entered their minds, if the fact that the cost of saving this life was going to be astronomical and there was no one to pay for it except the taxpayer dollar.  I hope not, but I can't help but wonder what went through their minds on that late-night trip.   

In the course of the next three months of his life, the little fellow had blood transfusions, pneumonia, brain bleeds, possible seizure activity and all the other routine experiences of an extreme preemie.  He avoided any surgeries, and his little heart..... was very healthy and strong.  His little heart wasn't aware that he had no visitors.  No one called to inquire about his well-being.  No pictures were taken of him because.... ???? no one wanted pictures of him.  But I would never ever say no one wanted him.  I would never ever say that any baby is unwanted. 

 After three months of life in the NICU  the birth mom officially relinquished her parental rights.  That's where the story begins for my youngest grandson.  He went from a near-abortion type experience to being a cherished and adored member of our family.   Adoption --- it's a beautiful thing.   If you're my facebook friend you've seen pictures of him with his parents. (yes, I know, MANY pictures of him)  His parents' happiness oozes out of those pictures.  His happiness does, too.  He's approaching two years of age now and developmentally right on target.  He is a little miracle.  I thank God that his little life was spared.  And I thank God that in that surgical suite almost two years ago..... I can't even go there without getting teary-eyed.   Many details are unknown to me about the day of my grandson's birth, but I do know that someone did the right thing, made the right decision, and I am deeply grateful.

What if?

Historically, I have been what you might call the Queen of What If.  This condition started early on in childhood but  escalated quickly the very first time I held my first baby in my arms.  

What if....I break her?  What if....she breaks me??  

Worry.  What if.  By the time my husband or children walk through the door 15 minutes later than I've anticipated?  Well, I've already started the grieving process, just knowing they're in a ditch somewhere.  

In this particular day and age we are bombarded with opportunities to just wallow in worry.  Especially if we allow ourselves to get sucked into watching The News.  On any station you pick, it's going to bring you down down down.  Just the intonation and delivery of the news by television commentators will spark your What If tendencies and make you miserable.  I feel like a lot of television journalists can make even good news sound bad.  Who needs that?

Do yourself a favor.  Turn your TV off.  

Would you consider that life is better than we're led to believe?  Would you look around and find the good?  Seriously, it's everywhere.  It really is.  Make a list, you'll be amazed!

Back to the What Ifs.... sometimes they do come true.  Sometimes things do go horribly wrong.  Sometimes our lives are broken. We long for peace.  We need peace.  We won't make it without inner peace.

And we have access to that peace.  The Prince of Peace.  He's there for us, we're getting ready to celebrate His birth in a few weeks.  Jesus is peace, and Christmas should remind us of that fact.

But today is Thanksgiving and I learned something new recently in a Bible study I'm part of.  Peace starts with thanksgiving.  Being thankful activates trust in God.  The action of thanking God in everything, everything, reminds our hearts that God's in control.  We can trust Him.  He has never failed us.  He will never fail us.  In fact, He cannot fail us.  He knows the beginning from the end, the "Big Picture",  and even when we can't see the good, it's there.  We can trust Him with every part of our lives, and that brings peace.  

We can choose thankful prayer over wallowing in anxiety and worry.  This demonstrates trust in God.  "Concentrating on Him instead of being absorbed by our circumstances tells the Lord that we believe He is able to override and overcome even the most difficult issues.  This kind of faith catches His attention, and he responds by activating His peace within us."  (Priscilla Shirer, Armor of God)

Please believe me when I tell you that peace is there for the asking.  Thankful prayer will bring you peace.  It's that simple.  

What if... today's the day you reach out for peace through thankful prayer and trusting God!  It's the perfect day for that.....Happy Thanksgiving!  

Can I hear you now? Pretty unlikely.

So my dad had lots of admirable qualities and features that I would love to have inherited.  Hearing deficit wasn't one of them, but it seems that's the one I received.  No big deal, no complaints really.  I've found that there are kind of unexpected perks to having a bit of hearing loss at times.  😉  Might as well make the best of it, huh?  

And like every other unpleasant physical condition, it's always a good idea to find the humor and laugh at yourself occasionally.

Several years ago while shopping in a local Walmart store, I heard my name called over the PA system.  "Benita Coffman to aisle 2 please".  Having just recently moved from a really small town to big old Wichita it took me by surprise to hear my name like that.  So I didn't respond immediately, thinking I'd heard wrong.  But then a few minutes later, same announcement.  After the third time I began to wonder what in the world  was going on, so I timidly made my way to Aisle 2.  

After reaching that aisle, I saw a store employee and walked up to her.  She looked at me and asked if she could help me.  I tentatively said "I'm Benita Coffman".  Which elicited a puzzled look from her face.  About that time the announcement came over  the PA again.  I could hear it clearly this time.  "I need a stock man to aisle 2 please.".  Well.  What do you know.  Ineeda Stockman.  Not really my name.   That was embarrassing.  Then I said "Oh, never mind" and quickly walked on down the aisle.   Good grief.   

The wonderful thing about Walmart is that there's no real high standard of behavior for their customers.  But still.  I was pretty mortified and swore that something of this nature would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.  !!!  

And I vowed to never again listen to any PA system messages in any retail store while shopping.  Just ignore it, Benita.  You cannot hear well enough to deal with that kind of stuff.  Face it, no one will EVER be calling your name over the PA in a retail store.  

A few years later during my lunch break from work I decided to leave the building and go to Walgreens.  Just wanted to get out of the building for a bit and buy some much-needed snacks for the break room.  And so of course I strolled through every aisle of that store because there might just be new hair products or some fantastic AS SEEN ON TV product screaming "buy me".  

But I didn't hear the "Buy Me" message.  What I did hear was this:  "Benita Coffman to customer service".  No way, not falling for it.  They just need a stock man to customer service.   I continued shopping and of course the message was repeated.  I kind of shivered with horror as I recalled that one day at Walmart.  Not happening to me again.  Ever.   I made my way to the checkout counter and again heard my name.  By this time it was becoming pretty difficult to not say something to the checkout employee but....NO WAY.  

I quickly paid for my purchases and practically ran out the door and got into my car, feeling proud that I handled this little situation way better than that Walmart fiasco a few years prior.  Nothing wrong with my hearing.  They needed a stock man.  You know, old Ineeda Stockman.  

As I entered my workplace after lunch break I was met by a recently hired new nurse who frantically said "Why didn't you answer your page at Walgreens?  We needed you back here right away!!".  Apparently she overheard me talking about my lunch plans to go to Walgreens.  Uh oh.  Happily, it really wasn't as emergent as she was inclined to believe and when I told her and the rest of the gang why I ignored the page based on previous Walmart history, everyone got a good chuckle out of it.  

Laughter is okay.  Laughter is therapeutic.  Laughter is actually a pretty good way to deal with silly situations that try to reduce one's self esteem to record low levels.  Might as well laugh.  😊

I still don't listen to overhead announcements in public buildings.  I may end up wearing a hearing aide soon, but I will forever refuse to respond to anything that sounds like my name coming out of a loudspeaker in a store.  Nope. I ain't doing it.